GREAT DIRECTORS MAKE WORST MOVIES

I watched the movie Bad Lieutenant (from the legendary director Werner Herzog) yesterday and I'm still angry. I usually don't like movies about junkies, but movies that are like made by people on drugs are even worst.

Mr. Herzog, whatahell are you thinking? Weren't you retired?

Baaaadd trip

Don't get me wrong, the movie is kind of interesting, but suddenly there is a completely random scene (mostly involving iguanas) that ruins everything. Of course, the fact the movie doesn't go anywhere only makes it a waste of time.

It's not smart, it's not serious, it's not wild. It's just crazy bullshit. It tried to be some kind of Herzog's Mulholland Drive, but it only keeps the lowest level Nicolas Cage reached in Ghost Rider.

Now here is a gallery of terrible movies that stained the name of (supposedly) great directors:

- Lady in the Water, by M. Night Shyamalan. Let's do the math: one excellent (The Sixty Sense) plus one good movie (The Village) and one OK (Unbreakable) against one bad (Signs) plus two terrible (Lady in the Water and The Happening)… hmm… well, Shyamalan, looks like the balance is not great. The Last Airbender is your chance to: 1) redeem yourself (if you keep up with the great original series' spirit) or 2) fall in disgrace and provoke eternal rage of millions of fans.

EDIT: The Last Airbender is OK.

Worthy of Uwe Boll

- Black Hawk Down, by Ridley Scott. I confess, I loved Gladiator. And I, of course, have the most respect for the director of Alien and Blade Runner. Said that, it was expected Scott wouldn't fall on this unbelievable patriotic mambo jumbo that Black Hawk Down is. The speech of Josh Harnett's character to his dying comrade about being a hero is simply outrageous.

You killed 1000 Somalis to save a few American soldiers – good job!

- Planet of the Apes, by Tim Burton. We can overlook everything wrong in this remake, but the end is so absurd that the movie deserves only to be forgotten. A commercial success that proves (as Burton's Batman) that marketing worth much more than content. Luckily, there isn't much space for a sequel.

EDIT: Oh my, looks like there will another Planet of the Apes soon!

EDIT2: I saw Burton's Alice in Wonderland = and it sucks! It's like a recycled Alice in Wonderland, without all good stuff and with an "epic" battle scene in the end to try to spice things up. Even they puting all the weight of that weak story in Johnny Depp's shoulders, it sucks.

A great movie, if you are a monkey

- Southland Tales, by Richard Kelly. The promising director of the surprising good Donnie Darko made one of worst movies I ever saw.

Two words: epic fail

- Windtalkers, by John Woo. Talking about Nicolas Cage and his taste for disgrace… I wouldn't ever put John Woo in my list of great directors, but this Windtalkers is so bellow his other movies that it needs to be featured here. Woo managed to transform a well produced WW2 movie (with and unusual theme: the Pacific theater) into a poor eighties-like action movie where the hero kills alone hundreds of bad aimed enemies.

Rambo in WW2

- War of the Worlds, by Steven Spielberg. That's what happens when a veteran like Spielberg tries to copy Roland Emmerich: he might actually succeed (and make a terrible movie in the process).

Just ugly

- Sucker Punch, by Zack Snyder. Nothing can go wrong when you put some hotties brawling in a beautiful imaginary world, right? Wrong! You need to spend at least a few dimes hiring someone to write a minimal story. The movie is just cinematographic masturbation. Without a happy ending, I must say. How could you do that after Watchmen and Dawn of the Dead, Snyder?

There is nothing here

CONCLUSION: even the masters can fail and when it comes to remakes made by great directors, stick with the oldies.

L4D and L4D2 next DLCs

Here are some suggestions for the next L4D and L4D2 DLCs.


L4D Update - “L4D1 1/2”:

• A new campaign that explain how the characters made it to South and how Bill sacrificed self to help the others.
• Only for those who has L4D2: you can activate a “L4D1 1/2 mode”. All L4D2’s new weapons (including melee) and special zombies in L4D1! This would have 3 effects:
1. Owners of the both games would resume playing L4D (as L4D2’s new features made the previous installment kind of obsolete).
2. Owners of only L4D2 would be tempted about buying also the previous installment (I would!).
3. Owners of only L4D would be persuaded to buy L4D2 to improve their game and being able to play the new mode with their friends.

L4D2 Update - “L4D2 Plus”:

• You can activate a “L4D2 Plus mode”. Your party will have 6 players (I always though 4 players are not enough). This would work in every campaign except for “The Passing". Increasing the number of characters in game will increase the difficulty. Of course, the two new squad mates are our old buddies Francis and Zoe (as Bill is dead and Louis is fucked-up).
• A new campaign with zombie Bill as the finale boss. He is smarter than the other zombies, and he knows how to use weapons. Possible new “common uncommon”: zombie dog (any other suggestions?)
• Fans of L4D2 would also love a bonus campaign where you play with the Night Riders.

Movie review: WALTZ WITH BASHIR

I’ve been away from this blog for a long time, but there is a movie that impressed me so much I need to write a review.

I just watched the best animation of all: Waltz with Bashir. It is not only one of the most beautiful movies I ever saw, but also the most chocking. Much more visually impressive than the Avatar blockbuster and much deeper than The Hurt Locker (just to mention the major Oscar nominees this year).


It’s like an Israeli “Apocalypse Now”, “Full Metal Jacket” and “Schindler’s List” all together.


The movie broke me. It is a masterpiece for the eyes and ears, a catharsis for the soul and a confession for the next generations.


Trailer:

The greatness of a person (or a people) it’s the size of his self-critics.